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 worynjay
Jane Flowers is the author of two fiction novels and a number of marketing ebooks.Her books and articles are sometimes produced under the pen-name of Woryn jay. She is an accredited journalist with the Australian news Agency and holds a Diploma in Media Studies from the Australian College of Journalism. Jane works from home as a freelancer, author and Webmaster. She was born and raised in Africa, and now lives in New Zealand
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Accused of Murder By Meat Ball
My friend has been accused of trying to murder tourists. It all began one fine day when the sea breezes were wafting in wafterly fashion over a blue and idylic setting in Golden Bay, New Zealand.
Inspired by an excess of beauty for which the country is famous, he thought to put marinaded meat balls on the menu of his waterfront cafe and serve them up under the sparkling blue skies on a barbeque.
Of course, the entire population of visitors to Golden Bay were riveted by the thought of marinated meat balls on a barbeque on a sunny Sunday. It sure beat the hell out of watching the mega-boring rugby religion on the TV.
Sporting various shades of Ozone, or the lack thereof, of sunburn, they queued and on cue forked out their pesos, yen and other good currency for meatballs on rice.
Being in New Zealand of course, they could be assured their marinated meat balls were user friendly, fat free, nuclear free, G.E free and had originated from a humane slaughterhouse. They could slap their lips around the end product and feel totally guilt free.
A few days passed. A few more cows died a humane death, many millions of meat balls were marinated. Tourists from all over the world sent home text messages and postcards extolling the marinated snack. "Forget Middle Earth and Tolkien" they said, "You just gotta get a taste of Golden Bay meat balls!"
Just at the peak of all the excitement the meat ball rolled off the table, out of the door and into the path of the New Zealand Meat Ball Checker.
Yes - there really is such a thing as a Meat Ball Checker. You can tell them by they way they speak in non-speak. They say things like, "I have executive experience in the assessment of non-vegan products and in my considered experience this meat ball is made of the flesh of a non-carnivorous entity."
This of course, tells us nothing. Well, nothing that we don't already know, and anyone who can call a meat ball a non-vegan product , deserves to choke on one. Anyway, in a panic at being confronted by The Meat Ball Checker, my friend instantly dumped them in the dump.The frenzy of meat ball fanatic tourists scratching around in the trash attracted a lot of attention, however, and the Meat Ball Checker soon discovered the hidden stash.
Assuming an air of authority, he sniffed suspiciously and delared them a danger to human life. Not a lot gets by the Meat Ball checkers in New Zealand."These meat balls, " he declared have been marinated in alcohol!" There was a stunned silence and then a mad dash for the doctor as all the cafe customers rushed away for detox before they died instantly!
Those brave surivors who stayed to scoff their meat before the balls were borne away to the incinerator were comforted by the thought that at least they had not had to earn their microcosmic tot of liquor like the residents of the country who live by the creed of their great and famous beer advert - "That man deserves a DB Beer!" |
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