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 Ms CYPRAH
ELAINE SIHERA (nicknamed Ms CYPRAH or Cyber-Oprah by friends , Emotional Health and Wellbeing Adviser and Diversity Management Consultant, is a British writer, media contributor, internet agony aunt and columnist
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A relationship is based upon trust. If there is no trust, there is no relationship, just two people sharing the same space in an air of suspicion and insincerity. Trust also comes out of a feeling of confidence in the spouse, personal security in the situation and a feeling of being valued by a partner. When that reassurance is gone, or we believe we have cause to doubt, the trust begins to ebb away.
No self-respecting person would read another's email, if they are in a genuine relationship. If you feel you have to watch your spouse constantly, you doubt what they say or do, and you are not feeling any more secure with discussions, then you are in the wrong place. There is nothing worse than living with doubt and suspicion as constant companions. That is very stressful and erodes the heart of the relationship. Above all, we cannot talk about honesty in a relationship if there is routine mistrust.
I used to know a guy whose wife suspected him of having affairs. One day he went to the shops and forgot his wallet. He returned home to find his wife with it in her hand standing at the door, having searched it. She then added for good measure, "I have had a good look and haven't found anything this time, but I am watching you." For some reason, he laughed when he told me that, but I found it terribly sad to see so little trust and, worse still, such a marked lack of respect between them.
When we love someone, respect and trust are at the heart of that love. If they are no longer part of the relationship, then doubts and suspicion take over. Once we start to read someone's mail, or search their stuff, that's the beginning of the end, because no relationship can really exist in such a guarded, insecure and jealous atmosphere. |
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